did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize
