i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
