anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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