i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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