Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
