Please, let me fuck your mom
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
