Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
