jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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