4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
