Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
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