'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
