I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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