I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
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