I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
