When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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