Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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