i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
How's work?
Spinning.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
