so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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