dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
