Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
