I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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