its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
