The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
