I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
