ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
50% drunk capacity currently
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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