Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
