Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
