Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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