so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
