i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
