this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
