That's when you crack a 10am beer
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
