She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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