theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
