i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
