i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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