3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
