She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
