I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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