That's when you crack a 10am beer
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
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I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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