Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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