If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I think my fart just growled at me.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
