Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
