GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
