Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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