sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
