I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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