Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
