Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
