I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
