I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
