Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
