I think my vagina is haunted
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I want her autograph on my taint
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
