If i come over, it means nothing
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
