but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
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Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
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That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize