My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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