mondays should just be called national damage control day
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
