I faked an abortion last night.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
