Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
