last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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