I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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