blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
