Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
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We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
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It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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