hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
