i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
