so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
So squirting runs in the family.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
