On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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