you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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