Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
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I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
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Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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