You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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