btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
