when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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