i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I got inside last night via doggy door
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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