It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
