big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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