Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
