Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I have aggressive nipples.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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