I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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